You walk into the nursing home, and your stomach drops. Those bruises on your mom’s arms weren’t there last week. The excuse about her falling doesn’t make sense because the marks are on both wrists, like someone grabbed her too hard. You want to believe the staff, you want to trust that she’s safe, but something deep in your gut is screaming that this isn’t right.
Or maybe your dad can (and still wants) to be in his own home, but needs help with medication and daily activities, so you hire a home health company to come into the home daily. At first, everything seems fine, but then you start to notice things missing around the home, or your dad is in the same clothes for several days.
We understand exactly how you’re feeling right now. That mix of anger, fear, and confusion that makes you want to protect your parent while also being terrified of making things worse for them. You’re not overreacting and you’re not being paranoid – your instincts are trying to tell you something important. We’ve sat across from hundreds of families just like yours here in Kansas City, Missouri, and I want you to know that what you’re seeing matters. Your mom needs you to trust what you’re seeing. The fact that you’re reading this right now means you’re already taking the first step to protect her. We know it feels overwhelming, but you don’t have to figure this out alone. Let us walk you through exactly what you need to know and what you can do starting today.
What you need to know right now
- Trust what you’re seeing – unexplained injuries, sudden weight loss, or personality changes are real warning signs that need immediate attention
- Document everything today – take photos of injuries, write down dates and conversations, and keep all medical records in one place
- Report your concerns immediately – call the Missouri Adult Abuse hotline at 800-392-0210 or make a report online at https://moapss.health.mo.gov/
- Know your parent is protected – Missouri law prohibits nursing homes from kicking out residents whose families report problems
- Get legal help without paying up front – you can talk to an attorney and pursue a case without any money down through contingency fee arrangements
You’re seeing bruises or injuries you can’t explain?
You know your mom better than anyone. When you see marks on her body that don’t match the story you’re being told, your concern is valid. We’ve helped families who noticed finger-shaped bruises on arms, cuts that appeared overnight, or black eyes that supposedly came from “bumping into something.” These families weren’t imagining things – they were seeing signs of physical abuse.
Bruises in certain places tell a story. Marks on wrists often mean restraint, bruises on the inner arms suggest rough handling, and injuries to areas usually covered by clothing raise serious red flags. Your parent might not tell you what’s happening because they’re scared, confused, or have been threatened. Sometimes they genuinely don’t remember because of medication or cognitive issues.
Take photos right now. Use your phone to capture every mark, from multiple angles, with something for scale like a coin. Write down what the staff told you about each injury. Note who was working, what time you visited, and exactly what you saw. Don’t wait until your next visit – evidence can fade or disappear.
We represented a family where their mother was in a nursing home due to her dementia. She was in a wheelchair and on the second floor of the facility. One night there was a fire drill, a worker was taking the client down the stairs in a wheelchair and caused the mother to fall out of the wheelchair, causing a permanent brian injury.
Ask to see the incident reports for any injuries. The facility has to document falls and accidents, and you have a right to see these records. If they say no reports exist for visible injuries, that’s a huge problem that needs immediate attention.
Listen to your gut. If the explanation doesn’t make sense, if the stories keep changing, or if new injuries keep appearing, you’re not being difficult by asking questions. You’re being the advocate your parent desperately needs.
Your dad’s losing weight or have bedsores?
You visit your dad and his clothes are hanging off him. Has bedsores and looked like he has moved from his bed in days.. These aren’t just signs of old age – they’re serious indicators that basic care isn’t happening.
Weight loss in nursing homes should be gradual and monitored. When someone drops pounds quickly without a medical reason, it often means they’re not getting help eating, meals are being skipped, or they’re too depressed or scared to eat. Bedsores happen when the person stays in the same position for to long, which can lead to infections. Check his fingernails and hair. Overgrown nails, unkempt hair, or a generally disheveled appearance show that daily care tasks are being ignored. Look at his sheets and clothes – are they clean, or does it seem like nobody’s helping him change? Smell matters too – persistent odors of urine or unchanged bedding point to serious neglect.
We’ve seen families notice pressure sores starting as red spots that turn into open wounds. These bedsores happen when residents aren’t moved regularly, and they’re almost always preventable. If you see any red areas on his heels, tailbone, or hips, demand immediate medical attention and document everything.
Your dad might not complain because he doesn’t want to be a burden or he’s afraid of retaliation. But you know when something’s wrong. Trust that knowledge and act on it.
What exactly should you do right now?
You don’t need to wait another day. Pick up your phone and call the Missouri Adult Abuse and Neglect Hotline at 800-392-0210 or online at health.mo.gov/abuse. Tell them exactly what you’ve seen – just your honest observations.
Take photos of everything concerning you see today. Document injuries, living conditions, medication bottles, anything that shows neglect or abuse. Write down dates, times, and who you talked to. Start a notebook specifically for this – you’ll be amazed how quickly details fade from memory.
Request a care plan meeting immediately. Tell the facility administrator you want to discuss your parent’s care within the next few days. Bring another family member or friend for support and to be a witness. Don’t let them put you off or minimize your concerns.
Call an attorney who handles nursing home cases. You can do this even if you’re not sure about filing a lawsuit – most of us offer free consultations to help you understand your options. We work on contingency, which means you don’t pay anything unless we win your case. This isn’t about money – it’s about protecting your parent and making sure this doesn’t happen to someone else’s family.
Get copies of all medical records. You have the right to these documents, and they often reveal patterns of neglect that individual incidents don’t show. The facility has to provide them, though they might charge a fee.
Talk to other families. If you see them during visits, ask about their experiences. You might discover your parent isn’t the only one suffering, and there’s strength in numbers when demanding change.
How do you report this without making things worse for your mom?
You’re terrified that if you speak up, the staff will take it out on your mom. That fear keeps so many families silent, and facilities know it. But here’s what you need to know – Missouri law specifically protects residents from retaliation
The law says nursing homes cannot discharge, harass, or retaliate against residents whose families report problems. If they try, they’re breaking the law and strengthening your case. The facility cannot kick your mom out, restrict your visits, or punish her because you filed a complaint.
You can report anonymously if that makes you feel safer. The hotline accepts anonymous reports, and investigators won’t reveal who called.
Stay visible after reporting. Visit more often, at different times, and bring different family members. Facilities are less likely to retaliate when they know the family is watching closely. Being involved protects your mom.
Document any changes after you report. If staff suddenly becomes cold, if care seems to decline, or if anyone makes threatening comments, write it all down and report it immediately. Retaliation itself becomes evidence that supports your case.
Your mom needs you to be brave for her. The temporary discomfort of making waves is nothing compared to the ongoing harm she might be experiencing. Most facilities actually improve their care after complaints because they know they’re being watched.
What happens after you make that call?
You’ve called the hotline and now you’re wondering what comes next. An investigator gets assigned to your case. They’ll start by reviewing your complaint and determining how urgent the situation is. If your mom is in immediate danger, they act faster.
The investigator will visit the facility, usually without warning. They’ll interview your mom privately, away from staff who might intimidate her. They’ll talk to employees, review medical records, and examine physical evidence. They’re trained to spot signs that untrained eyes might miss.
You might get a call asking for more information. Be completely honest about everything you’ve seen. If you have photos or documentation, share them. The investigator isn’t trying to trip you up – they’re trying to build the strongest case possible to protect your mom.
The facility gets cited for violations they find. These citations are public record, and facilities hate getting them because they affect their reputation and funding. They have to submit a plan to fix the problems, and investigators follow up to make sure changes actually happen.
We represented a family who brought in a home health agency to care for their elderly father in his home. The family had installed cameras in the home. The home health aid was seen on video stealing the client’s morphine.. The person responsible for administering the client’s medication was using it for herself.
Your mom cannot be discharged during this process. Even if the facility wants her gone, they can’t remove her while an investigation is ongoing unless she’s an immediate danger to others, which is extremely rare. The investigation actually adds another layer of protection.
The whole investigation typically takes several weeks to a few months. You’ll receive written notification of the findings. If violations are found, the facility faces fines and increased oversight. If problems are severe enough, they can lose their license to operate.
Is this going to cost you money?
You’re already stressed about your parent’s situation, and now you’re worried about attorney fees on top of everything else. Let us ease your mind – you don’t need money upfront to get help. Personal injury attorneys like us work on contingency, which means we only get paid if we win your case.
Here’s how it actually works. When you call my office, we’ll talk about your situation for free. If we take your case, we cover all the costs – filing fees, expert witnesses, medical record requests – everything needed to build your case. You don’t write any checks or put anything on your credit card.
When we win your case through settlement or trial, our fees comes from that amount. If we don’t win, you don’t owe me anything. The risk is on us, not you, which lets us focus on getting justice for your parent while you focus on their care.
The nursing home’s insurance company pays settlements and judgments, not the facility itself. This means getting compensation doesn’t take money away from resident care. In fact, lawsuits often force facilities to improve because their insurance companies demand better practices.
Don’t let money fears stop you from protecting your parent. The consultation is free, the case costs you nothing upfront, and you have nothing to lose by exploring your options. Your parent’s safety is worth that phone call.
How much time do you have to do something?
You’re worried you might have waited too long, or maybe you’re thinking you should wait to see if things improve. Here’s the truth – you have time, but every day matters. disappears, memories fade, and your parent continues to suffer while you wait.
For nursing home abuse and neglect cases, Missouri law gives you several years from when the injury happened or when you discovered it. But I’m telling you not to wait. The sooner you act, the stronger your case becomes. Bruises heal, witnesses quit their jobs, and records mysteriously disappear when facilities know they’re in trouble.
Right now, while everything is fresh, is when you have the best chance of protecting your parent and others. That photo you take today of a bruise is evidence. Next week, that bruise might be gone. The aide who saw what happened might quit next month. The security footage gets recorded over.
Start documenting today even if you’re not ready to call anyone yet. Every photo, every note, every conversation you write down strengthens your ability to protect your parent later. You can’t go back in time to gather evidence that’s already gone.
The hotline is available today. Attorneys offer free consultations today. There’s literally no reason to wait when you can take action without any commitment or cost. Even if you ultimately decide not to pursue anything, at least you’ll know your options.
Your parent needs help now, not months from now. The facility won’t improve on its own – they only change when forced to. Every day you wait is another day your mom or dad might be suffering unnecessarily.
What if it’s “just” neglect and not abuse?
You might be thinking your situation isn’t “bad enough” because nobody’s hitting your dad – they’re just not taking care of him properly. Let us be clear – neglect is abuse. When someone can’t care for themselves and the people paid to help them don’t, that’s serious harm that demands action.
Neglect kills people. Dehydration, malnutrition, untreated bedsores, missed medications – these things are just as dangerous as physical violence. We’ve seen families lose loved ones because staff didn’t bother to help them eat or didn’t turn them in bed to prevent sores. This isn’t minor – it’s criminal.
Missouri law treats neglect just as seriously as physical abuse. Failing to provide food, water, medication, or basic care is negligence.. The facility took responsibility for your parent’s care when they accepted them as a resident. Not providing that care isn’t just wrong – it’s actionable.
Your dad deserves dignity. Having to lie in soiled clothes, going without water, or being left alone all day isn’t just uncomfortable – it’s degrading and traumatic. The emotional damage from neglect can be just as severe as physical injuries. Depression, anxiety, and withdrawal are common results of neglect.
Don’t minimize what you’re seeing. If your gut tells you the care isn’t right, trust that instinct. You don’t need to wait until your dad is seriously injured to take action. Prevention is always better than trying to fix damage after it happens.
The reporting process is the same whether it’s abuse or neglect. The protections are the same. The investigation is the same. Your right to justice is the same. Don’t let anyone tell you neglect isn’t serious enough to report.
Can the nursing home kick your mom out for complaining?
You’re scared that if you rock the boat, the facility will find a reason to discharge your mom, and then where would she go? This fear is exactly what bad facilities count on to keep families quiet. But Missouri law is on your side, and nursing homes can’t just kick residents out because families complain.
Federal law lists only specific reasons a facility can discharge someone. Your mom’s health improving enough that she doesn’t need care anymore, the facility not being able to meet her medical needs, non-payment, or being a danger to others. Notice what’s not on that list – being “difficult” or having a family that complains.
The facility must give you written notice at least thirty days before any discharge. This notice has to explain exactly why they want to discharge her, and you have the right to appeal. During the appeal, your mom stays put. They can’t move her while you’re fighting the discharge.
We’ve seen facilities try to claim a resident is “dangerous” after families complain. If your mom wasn’t dangerous before you complained, she’s not suddenly dangerous after. We know retaliation when we see it.
The Missouri Long-Term Care Ombudsman will help you fight any retaliatory discharge. Call them at 800-309-3282 if the facility even hints at discharge after you complain. They’re advocates who know the law and will stand up for your mom’s rights. They’ve seen every trick facilities try to pull.
Standing up for your mom actually makes her safer, not less safe. Facilities know that families who complain are families who are watching. They’re more careful with residents whose families are involved and informed about their rights.
Your questions answered
What if the staff says mom is lying or confused about the abuse?
Your mom’s words matter even if she has dementia or confusion. Facilities dismissed every complaint as “confusion,” but physical evidence doesn’t lie. Document what your mom says, when she says it, and look for patterns. Even confused people rarely make up detailed, consistent stories about abuse.
How can you tell if dad is being overmedicated to keep him quiet?
You know your dad’s normal behavior. If he’s suddenly sleeping all day, can’t stay awake during visits, or seems drugged, trust your instincts. Check his medication list and research each drug. Ask the doctor directly why each medication is necessary. Facilities sometimes use medications as chemical restraints, which is illegal.
What if you can’t visit often because you live far away?
Distance doesn’t mean you can’t protect your parent. Call at different times to check in. Ask other residents’ families to keep an eye out. Hire a geriatric care manager to visit regularly. Use video calls to see your parent’s condition. Some families even install cameras (where legal) to monitor care remotely.
Should you move mom to a different facility?
Moving might be necessary if abuse is severe, but it’s not always the answer. New facilities can have the same problems, and moving is traumatic for elderly people. Sometimes it’s better to force the current facility to improve through complaints and legal action. Every situation is different.
What if the abuse happened months ago?
It’s not too late. Elder abuse often becomes clearer as patterns emerge. Document what you remember, gather any old photos or records, and talk to an attorney. Previous incidents strengthen current complaints and show ongoing problems.
What if other families say you’re overreacting?
Every family’s experience is different. Just because someone else’s parent is fine doesn’t mean yours is. Trust what you’re seeing and feeling. You’re not obligated to convince other families – your job is protecting your parent.
How do you know if an attorney really specializes in nursing home cases?
Ask how many nursing home cases they’ve handled, what results they’ve achieved, and if they can provide references. Real nursing home attorneys know Missouri’s specific laws, understand medical issues, and have relationships with expert witnesses. Be wary of anyone who claims to do everything.
What if mom refuses to let you report the abuse?
Your mom might be scared, ashamed, or worried about retaliation. Keep documenting everything and gently explain that reporting protects her and others. Sometimes having a trusted friend or pastor talk to her helps. In severe cases, you might need to report despite her wishes to save her life.
Will Medicare or insurance rates go up if you complain?
No, complaining about abuse or filing a lawsuit doesn’t affect your parent’s Medicare, Medicaid, or insurance coverage. These are separate systems. Facilities cannot charge residents more or change their payment terms because of complaints. Any facility that suggests otherwise is lying.
You can protect your parent starting right now
You’ve read this far because you know something’s wrong. That knot in your stomach when you leave the nursing home, that anger when you see another unexplained bruise, that helplessness when staff brushes off your concerns – these feelings are valid. Your parent needs you to act on them.
I know you’re scared. Scared of making things worse, scared of being wrong, scared of the confrontation. But I’m here to tell you that doing nothing is scarier. Every day you wait is another day your mom or dad might be suffering. They changed your diapers, fed you when you were helpless, and protected you when you were vulnerable. Now it’s your turn.
You have more power than you think. One phone call to 800-392-0210 starts an investigation. One consultation with an attorney costs you nothing but could change everything. One family standing up for their loved one can transform an entire facility. We’ve seen it happen over and over here in Missouri.
Your parent might not be able to fight for themselves anymore. Medication, fear, or cognitive decline might have stolen their voice. But you can be that voice. You can demand the care they deserve, the dignity they’ve earned, and the justice they need.
We are Doug Noland and Kate Noland, and we’ve spent years fighting for families just like yours. Our office is in Liberty, Missouri, and we understand what you’re going through because we’ve helped other families navigate this nightmare. You don’t have to figure this out alone. You just have to start.
Pick up the phone right now. Call the abuse hotline. Call our office. Call someone who can help. Your parent protected you your whole life – now it’s time to protect them. Don’t wait another day wondering if you should do something. The answer is yes, you should, and you can start right now.
